Archie was the new kid in class, his whole life he had been moving from town to town, going from school to school, and knew that being the new kid can get to be messy.
So he had to play his cards right, he had to become the cool new kid, not the easy-to-pick-on new kid.
His plan was to be silent, sit in the back and be mysterious, he imagined the girls whispering thing about him into each other’s ears and all the guys would want to be friends with the cool new kid.
Unfortunately the teacher forced him to sit in the front row, he couldn’t understand why the entire front row was empty, until the class began.
She began her class and was shouting the whole time, not in a violent way but just in a very loud voice, she tried her best to keep her sentences small but she was explaining black holes.
“A black hole is defined by the escape velocity that would have to be attained to escape from the gravitational pull exerted upon an object.”, When she got to the end of her sentence her face was as red as a tomato and was about to pop.
One of the boys sitting behind him explained that the teacher was talking so loud because a boy named Edison who was sitting in the back of the class was hard of hearing, Archie was confused and asked the boy why he didn’t sit in the front row so he could hear the teacher better, that was because he was born that way and because he was lacking good hearing his eyes made up for it which gave him perfect vision and if he sat in the front row he would be able to see ants walking on the blackboard.
Later that day the teacher explained the kids there was a guest speaker here to see them to talk about space.
The teacher shook hands with a middle aged professorial looking man, “Welcome to our classroom.”, She said.
“Kids, this is Mr. Blaum, a retired meteorologist. He will explain us everything we need to know about space. Or at least the basics.”, She explained and sat down on a chair in the corner of the classroom.
Mr. Blaum stood in the middle of the class, “Hello children.”, He said and wrote the word space on the blackboard.
“Space.”, He said and turned around, “Space.”, He said again, and his eyes fell onto Archie.
He kept looking at Archie and finally asked him, “Do you like space?”
Archie knew he had to be cool, and replied, “Space is gay.”, and held a straight face.
All the kids laughed and the teacher told Archie to behave.
“How can space be gay, space doesn’t have reproductive systems so does not have sex, so can’t be heterosexual or homosexual.“, Mr. Baum explained.
“Space is endlessly big, and filled with planets and universes, our planet Earth is in it’s own universe together with a bunch of other planets. And let’s not forget stars.”, He said as he wrote down the word stars on the blackboard.
He turned back to the kids all supporting their sleepyheads in the palm of their hands, “Have you kids ever notice that the word stars is rats in reverse, I have been spending my free time ever since I retired to find out if there are as much rats as there are stars in the sky.”, He explained.
The teacher heard enough and wanted to end his speech, she got up to walk to him when everyone heard a loud sound, it was a whistling sound which was descending in tone at a very slow pace.
Almost instinctively all the kids knew what to do, they jumped up from their chairs and fell onto the ground and crawled under their desks.
The sound continued and the teacher found herself under her desk with Mr. Maud.
The government instructed all the schools to teach their students what to do in case of a bombing, so they practiced each week but this was different, their practice would begin with the principal telling the through the intercom.
Time seemed to move in slow motion as the sound continued, the kids were covering their ears and squinting their eyes as they waited for the ground to shake and the sound of things blowing up.
What they did not know was that the sound was coming from the teacher lounge, a tea kettle was still on the stove, the steam was still passing through the whistle making a very loud noise.
The history teacher was lying on the ground motionless.
Mr. Maud was making out with the teacher, if they were going to die, she wanted to make out for the last time, she didn’t care with who it was.
The history teacher was still lying on the ground as they were exchanging saliva, he died from choking on a biscuit because he just couldn’t wait to dip it in his tea.
So he had to play his cards right, he had to become the cool new kid, not the easy-to-pick-on new kid.
His plan was to be silent, sit in the back and be mysterious, he imagined the girls whispering thing about him into each other’s ears and all the guys would want to be friends with the cool new kid.
Unfortunately the teacher forced him to sit in the front row, he couldn’t understand why the entire front row was empty, until the class began.
She began her class and was shouting the whole time, not in a violent way but just in a very loud voice, she tried her best to keep her sentences small but she was explaining black holes.
“A black hole is defined by the escape velocity that would have to be attained to escape from the gravitational pull exerted upon an object.”, When she got to the end of her sentence her face was as red as a tomato and was about to pop.
One of the boys sitting behind him explained that the teacher was talking so loud because a boy named Edison who was sitting in the back of the class was hard of hearing, Archie was confused and asked the boy why he didn’t sit in the front row so he could hear the teacher better, that was because he was born that way and because he was lacking good hearing his eyes made up for it which gave him perfect vision and if he sat in the front row he would be able to see ants walking on the blackboard.
Later that day the teacher explained the kids there was a guest speaker here to see them to talk about space.
The teacher shook hands with a middle aged professorial looking man, “Welcome to our classroom.”, She said.
“Kids, this is Mr. Blaum, a retired meteorologist. He will explain us everything we need to know about space. Or at least the basics.”, She explained and sat down on a chair in the corner of the classroom.
Mr. Blaum stood in the middle of the class, “Hello children.”, He said and wrote the word space on the blackboard.
“Space.”, He said and turned around, “Space.”, He said again, and his eyes fell onto Archie.
He kept looking at Archie and finally asked him, “Do you like space?”
Archie knew he had to be cool, and replied, “Space is gay.”, and held a straight face.
All the kids laughed and the teacher told Archie to behave.
“How can space be gay, space doesn’t have reproductive systems so does not have sex, so can’t be heterosexual or homosexual.“, Mr. Baum explained.
“Space is endlessly big, and filled with planets and universes, our planet Earth is in it’s own universe together with a bunch of other planets. And let’s not forget stars.”, He said as he wrote down the word stars on the blackboard.
He turned back to the kids all supporting their sleepyheads in the palm of their hands, “Have you kids ever notice that the word stars is rats in reverse, I have been spending my free time ever since I retired to find out if there are as much rats as there are stars in the sky.”, He explained.
The teacher heard enough and wanted to end his speech, she got up to walk to him when everyone heard a loud sound, it was a whistling sound which was descending in tone at a very slow pace.
Almost instinctively all the kids knew what to do, they jumped up from their chairs and fell onto the ground and crawled under their desks.
The sound continued and the teacher found herself under her desk with Mr. Maud.
The government instructed all the schools to teach their students what to do in case of a bombing, so they practiced each week but this was different, their practice would begin with the principal telling the through the intercom.
Time seemed to move in slow motion as the sound continued, the kids were covering their ears and squinting their eyes as they waited for the ground to shake and the sound of things blowing up.
What they did not know was that the sound was coming from the teacher lounge, a tea kettle was still on the stove, the steam was still passing through the whistle making a very loud noise.
The history teacher was lying on the ground motionless.
Mr. Maud was making out with the teacher, if they were going to die, she wanted to make out for the last time, she didn’t care with who it was.
The history teacher was still lying on the ground as they were exchanging saliva, he died from choking on a biscuit because he just couldn’t wait to dip it in his tea.
