Ding Dong.
As soon as Todd opened his front door, the daylight immediately blinded him and in between his fingers he saw a guy standing on his doorstep.
He was wearing a dark blue suit and was holding a bible and had a cart with a big stack of bibles parked next to his leg.
“Good afternoon Sir, would you be interested in buying a Bible?” The guy asked.
“Buying? Who puts a price tag on God’s words.
Did He? Did he copyright it and has a large law firm somewhere that keeps an eye on things and demand royalties?”, Todd replied.
The guy looked distressed for a moment, “No sir, it’s just that making these Bibles costs us money too, and the rest of the money supports the church and the church helps anyone that is needing.”
“So God tells you to go out into the world and save the damned and you don’t want to pay for it yourself.”
The young bible salesman seemed to be pondering a good answer again, but Todd can’t wait for it, “Aren’t you guys a lot like spiders? Travel in pairs.”
“My colleague and teacher died last week.”, The guy replied with his head looking down at his shoes.
“Sorry, how did he pass?”, Todd asked feeling the awkwardness of the subject.
Still looking down at his shoes the guy said, “Of old age the doctors said.”
“Wow.”, Todd simply replied.
The guy looked back up to Todd with a big smile on his face, “He had a strong soul.”
Todd sighs and grabs the Bible from the guy’s hands.
“So which version of the Bible is this?”, Todd asked while he inspected the black leather Bible.
“Version? The catholic Bible is a combination of the Old Testament and New Testament it’s been the same since it was written.”, The guy replied.
The young bible salesman was probably bummed out the first doorbell he rang presented him with a bastard named Todd.
“Do you believe in heaven Sir?”, the guy asked.
But Todd wasn’t interested in that, “Hey, fun fact did you know that this flat was build by a Jewish architect? So you’re kinda standing on evil soil right now, are your soles burning?”
The guy was getting uncomfortable, “I don’t think being Jewish and designing a building makes the building holy for the Jewish.”, he said followed by some prefabricated laughter.
Todd continued, “Right, and do you have any special sales right now, like two-for-one?”
“No Sir we don’t.”, The guy simple said.
Todd continued his personal battle for righteousness, “And what if I don’t like it, can I return it? Do you guys have a money back guarantee policy?”
The guy readied his voice and began to explain, “The Bible is filled with knowledge and teaching how one should live his life, there is bound to be something that you like or inspires you. So I don’t believe you would want to return it when you have read it.”
“I have always wondered why did God let people write the Bible, he created difficult things like Heaven and Earth, all the animals and plants, and people, but not a little book, is he illiterate or something?”
“God chose hands to write through, and he probably believed that Jesus with his words and miracles could do much more.”, The guy replied with a smirky smile on his face.
Todd stared at him for a moment until he had an idea, “But in all seriousness I could really use your help, how about we get inside, its kinda chilly out here.”
The young bible salesman held on to his cart and asked, “Help with what?”
“It’s personal, I feel to ashamed to talk about it in the hallway.”, Todd replied.
Todd leads the way through a narrow hallway and takes a right at the end, the young bible salesman parked his cart in the hallway and follows Todd into the living room.
Todd was staring at the wall, the guy joined him and looked at a gigantic painting that portrayed Abraham, Buddha, Moses, Muhammad, Jesus and a bunch of naked hookers sitting in a jacuzzi holding and drinking from bottles of Cristal.
“I think its centered, I needed another pair of eyes to see if its not crooked.”
The young bible salesman ran back outside with his cart and ran down the stairs and exited the flat.
“Sheesh, freaking out.”, Todd said.
He watched the young bible salesman freak out, yelling and eventually screaming as he was tearing up his Bibles, pages flying through the sky.
“Hey, whats going on, whats with all the yelling?”, Giuseppe, Todd’s next door neighbor asked.
“Some bible salesman is freaking out, started to tear apart his Bibles and he’s now starting to undress himself.”, Todd explained.
“They tend to do that eventually.”, Giuseppe replied.
They watched the young bible salesman taking a stapler from his bag that was also on the cart and began to staple the pages of the Bible to his body.
He picked a box of matches from his pocket.
Giuseppe said, “In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.”, While the young biblesales man was crossing himself.
He lid a match and lit one of the pages on fire, which quickly ignited the others until he was a in flames.
“I’m dying for some smores right now.”, Todd thought to himself.
Todd stretched his arms out above his head, “Best. Sunday. Ever!”
As soon as Todd opened his front door, the daylight immediately blinded him and in between his fingers he saw a guy standing on his doorstep.
He was wearing a dark blue suit and was holding a bible and had a cart with a big stack of bibles parked next to his leg.
“Good afternoon Sir, would you be interested in buying a Bible?” The guy asked.
“Buying? Who puts a price tag on God’s words.
Did He? Did he copyright it and has a large law firm somewhere that keeps an eye on things and demand royalties?”, Todd replied.
The guy looked distressed for a moment, “No sir, it’s just that making these Bibles costs us money too, and the rest of the money supports the church and the church helps anyone that is needing.”
“So God tells you to go out into the world and save the damned and you don’t want to pay for it yourself.”
The young bible salesman seemed to be pondering a good answer again, but Todd can’t wait for it, “Aren’t you guys a lot like spiders? Travel in pairs.”
“My colleague and teacher died last week.”, The guy replied with his head looking down at his shoes.
“Sorry, how did he pass?”, Todd asked feeling the awkwardness of the subject.
Still looking down at his shoes the guy said, “Of old age the doctors said.”
“Wow.”, Todd simply replied.
The guy looked back up to Todd with a big smile on his face, “He had a strong soul.”
Todd sighs and grabs the Bible from the guy’s hands.
“So which version of the Bible is this?”, Todd asked while he inspected the black leather Bible.
“Version? The catholic Bible is a combination of the Old Testament and New Testament it’s been the same since it was written.”, The guy replied.
The young bible salesman was probably bummed out the first doorbell he rang presented him with a bastard named Todd.
“Do you believe in heaven Sir?”, the guy asked.
But Todd wasn’t interested in that, “Hey, fun fact did you know that this flat was build by a Jewish architect? So you’re kinda standing on evil soil right now, are your soles burning?”
The guy was getting uncomfortable, “I don’t think being Jewish and designing a building makes the building holy for the Jewish.”, he said followed by some prefabricated laughter.
Todd continued, “Right, and do you have any special sales right now, like two-for-one?”
“No Sir we don’t.”, The guy simple said.
Todd continued his personal battle for righteousness, “And what if I don’t like it, can I return it? Do you guys have a money back guarantee policy?”
The guy readied his voice and began to explain, “The Bible is filled with knowledge and teaching how one should live his life, there is bound to be something that you like or inspires you. So I don’t believe you would want to return it when you have read it.”
“I have always wondered why did God let people write the Bible, he created difficult things like Heaven and Earth, all the animals and plants, and people, but not a little book, is he illiterate or something?”
“God chose hands to write through, and he probably believed that Jesus with his words and miracles could do much more.”, The guy replied with a smirky smile on his face.
Todd stared at him for a moment until he had an idea, “But in all seriousness I could really use your help, how about we get inside, its kinda chilly out here.”
The young bible salesman held on to his cart and asked, “Help with what?”
“It’s personal, I feel to ashamed to talk about it in the hallway.”, Todd replied.
Todd leads the way through a narrow hallway and takes a right at the end, the young bible salesman parked his cart in the hallway and follows Todd into the living room.
Todd was staring at the wall, the guy joined him and looked at a gigantic painting that portrayed Abraham, Buddha, Moses, Muhammad, Jesus and a bunch of naked hookers sitting in a jacuzzi holding and drinking from bottles of Cristal.
“I think its centered, I needed another pair of eyes to see if its not crooked.”
The young bible salesman ran back outside with his cart and ran down the stairs and exited the flat.
“Sheesh, freaking out.”, Todd said.
He watched the young bible salesman freak out, yelling and eventually screaming as he was tearing up his Bibles, pages flying through the sky.
“Hey, whats going on, whats with all the yelling?”, Giuseppe, Todd’s next door neighbor asked.
“Some bible salesman is freaking out, started to tear apart his Bibles and he’s now starting to undress himself.”, Todd explained.
“They tend to do that eventually.”, Giuseppe replied.
They watched the young bible salesman taking a stapler from his bag that was also on the cart and began to staple the pages of the Bible to his body.
He picked a box of matches from his pocket.
Giuseppe said, “In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.”, While the young biblesales man was crossing himself.
He lid a match and lit one of the pages on fire, which quickly ignited the others until he was a in flames.
“I’m dying for some smores right now.”, Todd thought to himself.
Todd stretched his arms out above his head, “Best. Sunday. Ever!”
