‘Outrages low prices!’ the banner hanging above the lot said.
It was parked with cars with price tags and words that were shouting for attention plastered on the windows.
“I know what kind of car you’re looking for.”, The car salesman said fully convinced of himself.
I only wanted to know how much would fit inside the trunk.
A couple of cars later he was still convinced he could find me the perfect car, “I got just the car for you.” He said.
He took me over to a used hummer, “If you remove the third seat you got eighty six point six cubic feet of space.”
I simply shook my head and we continued to the next station wagon, “This is a great SUV.” He said.
The car looked good and had enough luggage space, but I needed more specific features.
“I’m between jobs right now, what if my next job is a freelance courier service and I have to move meat across town, would this be car suitable for that kind of thing?” I asked.
He pointed his fingers to me and gleefully asked, “You mean a closed luggage space?”
I simply nodded.
“I don’t believe we have any cars that have that.”, The salesman said.
“I guess I could get someone to make it closed.” I said.
“Yeah totally, something like a plexiglas wall behind the backseats should do it.”, He suggested.
A young lady walked onto the car lot and began looking at some cars that caught her interest.
“Welcome to Big Paul’s Used Cars!” he yelled at the young lady who got startled and nodded back at him.
He turned to where the office was and raised his hands high enough in the air to be seen from over the roofs of all the cars, fortunately one of his colleagues saw him.
They used a series of special hand gestures to let one another know a new customer was on the lot and the colleague stepped out of the office and began to attack his prey.
“I also need it to be as sound proof as possible, would this be a good one?” I asked.
He turned back towards me with a slight change in his facial expression, “Sound proof, what for?”
I knew he was becoming suspicious of my intentions, so I had to think fast, “It’s kinda embarrassing.”
My possible embarrassing reason intrigued the little blond pointy haired fella, “Like what?” he asked.
“I like to listen to Abba while I drive, with the speakers on loud, I just don’t want people to know I do that.”, I lied.
He was holding back a smile which made his expression reveal a grin that I ignored, “Wow, that’s a good reason, well this car wouldn’t be very sound proof, because of the light steel it uses. You need a older and heavier car.”, He said.
The car salesman walked over to the next car, clearly a family car from an old national lampoon movie, “Are you sure?” I asked.
“Totally, let me get the keys so I can start the radio.”, He said and walked to the office.
I watched the other salesman work his magic on the young innocent looking girl.
He used grand hand gestures and specific words to tickle her mind, slowly opening it up so he could plant his seed.
‘Buy this car, buy this car, buy this car, buy this car!’
“Sir?” The car salesman said standing by the driver’s seat with the key in the lock ready to turn it.
“Yes, go on.”, I said.
He unlocked the door and turned the radio on and sets the volume as high as it would go then got out and closed the door.
I hated to admit the car was more sound proof than I expected, “Sounds good.”
“Or it doesn’t sound.”, He laughed which I found simply confusing but did one of my fake smiles in return.
“Good glass windows. They don’t make them like that no more.”, He pitched.
I walked back to the rear of the car, “I don’t mean to sound all too weird but could you turn off the radio and get in the trunk and shout.”
He turned off the radio and walked towards me, “Get in the trunk? Why?” he asked.
“Dogs.”, I said which was enough to get him into the trunk.
I held onto the trunk door ready so slam it close, “Don’t forget to scream as loud as you possibly can.”
“Ok sir.”, He said right before I closed the trunk.
I could barely hear his screaming from inside the trunk, after a while he stopped and began knocking on the glass.
He looked at me weirdly, I could understand how being on the other side of the glass window would be, seeing me day dream about chopped off limbs wrapped in plastic bags next to my grocery bags.
I let him out of the trunk and he asked, “So what do you think of the car? Do we have a deal?”
“I just don’t know yet, this seems the best car but it needs a lot of work, like the interior needs to be refurbished so it will be easier to clean, and I have to think about the possible odors back there. I need to think about it”, I explained.
He seemed disappointed, like I was slipping from his fingers like a bar of soap under the shower, “How about I throw in a box of pine air fresheners?”
“I said I would think about it!” I yelled at him, I could hardly control the anger that this little shitface provoked.
He looked frightened by my yelling and the look I had on my face, like a bunny looking into the eyes of a hungry wolf.
I calmed down and said, “Don’t worry I’m not the car salesman killer.”
He gave me a thumbs up accompanied with a smile.
“And that’s how I got this nice ‘Big Paul’s Used Cars‘ air freshener.”, I explained to the girl I just threw into my trunk, the small pine shaped air freshener was dangling from the top of the trunk door.
I slammed it shut and got into the driver’s seat started my radio and drove off singing along with Abba’s Thank You For The Music.
It was parked with cars with price tags and words that were shouting for attention plastered on the windows.
“I know what kind of car you’re looking for.”, The car salesman said fully convinced of himself.
I only wanted to know how much would fit inside the trunk.
A couple of cars later he was still convinced he could find me the perfect car, “I got just the car for you.” He said.
He took me over to a used hummer, “If you remove the third seat you got eighty six point six cubic feet of space.”
I simply shook my head and we continued to the next station wagon, “This is a great SUV.” He said.
The car looked good and had enough luggage space, but I needed more specific features.
“I’m between jobs right now, what if my next job is a freelance courier service and I have to move meat across town, would this be car suitable for that kind of thing?” I asked.
He pointed his fingers to me and gleefully asked, “You mean a closed luggage space?”
I simply nodded.
“I don’t believe we have any cars that have that.”, The salesman said.
“I guess I could get someone to make it closed.” I said.
“Yeah totally, something like a plexiglas wall behind the backseats should do it.”, He suggested.
A young lady walked onto the car lot and began looking at some cars that caught her interest.
“Welcome to Big Paul’s Used Cars!” he yelled at the young lady who got startled and nodded back at him.
He turned to where the office was and raised his hands high enough in the air to be seen from over the roofs of all the cars, fortunately one of his colleagues saw him.
They used a series of special hand gestures to let one another know a new customer was on the lot and the colleague stepped out of the office and began to attack his prey.
“I also need it to be as sound proof as possible, would this be a good one?” I asked.
He turned back towards me with a slight change in his facial expression, “Sound proof, what for?”
I knew he was becoming suspicious of my intentions, so I had to think fast, “It’s kinda embarrassing.”
My possible embarrassing reason intrigued the little blond pointy haired fella, “Like what?” he asked.
“I like to listen to Abba while I drive, with the speakers on loud, I just don’t want people to know I do that.”, I lied.
He was holding back a smile which made his expression reveal a grin that I ignored, “Wow, that’s a good reason, well this car wouldn’t be very sound proof, because of the light steel it uses. You need a older and heavier car.”, He said.
The car salesman walked over to the next car, clearly a family car from an old national lampoon movie, “Are you sure?” I asked.
“Totally, let me get the keys so I can start the radio.”, He said and walked to the office.
I watched the other salesman work his magic on the young innocent looking girl.
He used grand hand gestures and specific words to tickle her mind, slowly opening it up so he could plant his seed.
‘Buy this car, buy this car, buy this car, buy this car!’
“Sir?” The car salesman said standing by the driver’s seat with the key in the lock ready to turn it.
“Yes, go on.”, I said.
He unlocked the door and turned the radio on and sets the volume as high as it would go then got out and closed the door.
I hated to admit the car was more sound proof than I expected, “Sounds good.”
“Or it doesn’t sound.”, He laughed which I found simply confusing but did one of my fake smiles in return.
“Good glass windows. They don’t make them like that no more.”, He pitched.
I walked back to the rear of the car, “I don’t mean to sound all too weird but could you turn off the radio and get in the trunk and shout.”
He turned off the radio and walked towards me, “Get in the trunk? Why?” he asked.
“Dogs.”, I said which was enough to get him into the trunk.
I held onto the trunk door ready so slam it close, “Don’t forget to scream as loud as you possibly can.”
“Ok sir.”, He said right before I closed the trunk.
I could barely hear his screaming from inside the trunk, after a while he stopped and began knocking on the glass.
He looked at me weirdly, I could understand how being on the other side of the glass window would be, seeing me day dream about chopped off limbs wrapped in plastic bags next to my grocery bags.
I let him out of the trunk and he asked, “So what do you think of the car? Do we have a deal?”
“I just don’t know yet, this seems the best car but it needs a lot of work, like the interior needs to be refurbished so it will be easier to clean, and I have to think about the possible odors back there. I need to think about it”, I explained.
He seemed disappointed, like I was slipping from his fingers like a bar of soap under the shower, “How about I throw in a box of pine air fresheners?”
“I said I would think about it!” I yelled at him, I could hardly control the anger that this little shitface provoked.
He looked frightened by my yelling and the look I had on my face, like a bunny looking into the eyes of a hungry wolf.
I calmed down and said, “Don’t worry I’m not the car salesman killer.”
He gave me a thumbs up accompanied with a smile.
“And that’s how I got this nice ‘Big Paul’s Used Cars‘ air freshener.”, I explained to the girl I just threw into my trunk, the small pine shaped air freshener was dangling from the top of the trunk door.
I slammed it shut and got into the driver’s seat started my radio and drove off singing along with Abba’s Thank You For The Music.
