“My mama always says, never waste a thing Marco or I’ll put you into the tub of ice cold water in the back yard again! She was talking about food, but I apply this to everything else too.”
He walks back and forth in the studio’s kitchen picking up spices and dashing them onto the pieces of meat on the counter.
“And I’m starting with the rib area and I will safe the breasts, kidney and legs for later. I will begin with marinading the ribs with a marinade I made from the blood I drained, to which I have add some dry mustard, pepper, lemon juice, whiskey, ketchup and crushed garlic.”
He presented the insides of the bowl to the people sitting at home, the marinade was fiery red, the chef tasted some of it by dipping the tip of his finger in it and seemed pleased.
“Everything tastes better when marinaded, don’t you think so too Nancy?”
The camera focuses on Nancy, bound to her chair and gagged.
Tears and streams of snot are running down her face as she’s begging someone to save her.
He stepped into the fake garden next to the fake kitchen which revealed his ‘Kiss the chef’ apron to the viewers at home, one by one he places the ribs onto the barbecue.
He walks back to the kitchen, “And the great thing people is that this is a special episode, because we will not be showing you any commercials! Just a full morning of cooking.” He cheerfully announced.
“Let me tell you how I got my hands on these fine pieces of meat.”, He said and began to fill small pies with a pate he had made.
“I was driving back from my momma’s house along a dark and long dirt road when suddenly something jumped in front of my car, the unavoidable happened and I hit it head on with my car. I stepped out of my car and saw the poor thing was shaking on the ground and in a lot of pain, I knew I had to do something to put it out of it’s misery so I walked to the back of my car and opened my trunk and grabbed a wrench and walked back to the hunter and gave him one last blow.” He perfectly mimed how he gave the hunter his last blow.
“When he stopped twitching I dragged him to the back of my car and wrapped him in some plastic sheets I always keep in my car so he wouldn’t bleed on my interior, and threw him in my trunk.”
“How’s the weather today Bob?”, the camera moves to Bob the weather man of this morning cooking show, also bound and gagged behind him a map with suns and clouds with smiley faces.
The camera goes back to the chef, “Like my momma said, never waste a thing. So I am going to use all of the left overs I can. I will grind up these finger and toenails and add that on top of the mini brain pies I already prepared to add an extra crunch to it.”
He dashes the ground up nails over the pies, and took the tray and placed it in the oven.
“Now these will bake for about twenty minutes.”
He walks over to a blender with beside it some bowls filled with intestines.
“Okay, so now for the desert. Now this might sound gross but it’s not, the chef always knows best.”
He picked the intestines from the bowl and placed as much as he could into the blender and turned it on, with his hand resting on the top of the blender he yelled over the sound of the blades cutting it into tiny pieces, “When this is all turned into a nice custard, we add some milks, eggs and sugar to it and divide them into small bowls.”
He mixes it all together and pours the mix into the small bowls, “Now this has to rest in the fridge for a night, but I didn’t have time to make this in advance, so I brought some from home.” He grabs a bowl of custard from the fridge.
“Last week I accidentally ran over a neighborhood cat—lady.”
A smile appears on his face, he closes his eyes and takes a whip of the scent that’s coming from the oven, “Oh, I can smell the pies already, they smell fantastic! Wish you people at home had smell-o-vision so you could smell this!”
He walks back to the barbecue and removes the ribs, “All done, don’t they look fantastic!”
“DON’T THEY!?” he yells at the camera man, who nods his camera up and down.
“Good.”, He said with a calm voice.
In the kitchen he prepares the rest of the meal, first he places the ribs on a plate and next to it a brain pie, “Now to quickly make an easy salad, we will need some lettuce, some chopped up red onions, some chopped tomatoes, add some vinegar and toss it all around. On top we add possibly just for decoration or if you like to also for eating we place the two eye balls.”
He takes the plate and bowl of salad over to the table where Nancy is sitting.
“This is going to taste fantastic, your so lucky Nancy.”, He tells her while he removes her gag.
She gaps for some fresh air, “Oh my God, please don’t kill me.”
The chef takes of his apron which reveal a vest with packs of explosives and wires going from pack to pack.
“Now taste it.”
The viewers at home that were still watching this wondered why nobody was stopping them, but who could, the entire crew was tied up.
He forced her head down to the plate and she took some bites of the meat from the ribs.
“It requires a fine taste.”, The chef said right before the swat team barged into the studio and shot him in the head.
“This marinade is amazing.”, Nancy said.
She tried some of the brain pie and custard too.
“nom nom nom.”
He walks back and forth in the studio’s kitchen picking up spices and dashing them onto the pieces of meat on the counter.
“And I’m starting with the rib area and I will safe the breasts, kidney and legs for later. I will begin with marinading the ribs with a marinade I made from the blood I drained, to which I have add some dry mustard, pepper, lemon juice, whiskey, ketchup and crushed garlic.”
He presented the insides of the bowl to the people sitting at home, the marinade was fiery red, the chef tasted some of it by dipping the tip of his finger in it and seemed pleased.
“Everything tastes better when marinaded, don’t you think so too Nancy?”
The camera focuses on Nancy, bound to her chair and gagged.
Tears and streams of snot are running down her face as she’s begging someone to save her.
He stepped into the fake garden next to the fake kitchen which revealed his ‘Kiss the chef’ apron to the viewers at home, one by one he places the ribs onto the barbecue.
He walks back to the kitchen, “And the great thing people is that this is a special episode, because we will not be showing you any commercials! Just a full morning of cooking.” He cheerfully announced.
“Let me tell you how I got my hands on these fine pieces of meat.”, He said and began to fill small pies with a pate he had made.
“I was driving back from my momma’s house along a dark and long dirt road when suddenly something jumped in front of my car, the unavoidable happened and I hit it head on with my car. I stepped out of my car and saw the poor thing was shaking on the ground and in a lot of pain, I knew I had to do something to put it out of it’s misery so I walked to the back of my car and opened my trunk and grabbed a wrench and walked back to the hunter and gave him one last blow.” He perfectly mimed how he gave the hunter his last blow.
“When he stopped twitching I dragged him to the back of my car and wrapped him in some plastic sheets I always keep in my car so he wouldn’t bleed on my interior, and threw him in my trunk.”
“How’s the weather today Bob?”, the camera moves to Bob the weather man of this morning cooking show, also bound and gagged behind him a map with suns and clouds with smiley faces.
The camera goes back to the chef, “Like my momma said, never waste a thing. So I am going to use all of the left overs I can. I will grind up these finger and toenails and add that on top of the mini brain pies I already prepared to add an extra crunch to it.”
He dashes the ground up nails over the pies, and took the tray and placed it in the oven.
“Now these will bake for about twenty minutes.”
He walks over to a blender with beside it some bowls filled with intestines.
“Okay, so now for the desert. Now this might sound gross but it’s not, the chef always knows best.”
He picked the intestines from the bowl and placed as much as he could into the blender and turned it on, with his hand resting on the top of the blender he yelled over the sound of the blades cutting it into tiny pieces, “When this is all turned into a nice custard, we add some milks, eggs and sugar to it and divide them into small bowls.”
He mixes it all together and pours the mix into the small bowls, “Now this has to rest in the fridge for a night, but I didn’t have time to make this in advance, so I brought some from home.” He grabs a bowl of custard from the fridge.
“Last week I accidentally ran over a neighborhood cat—lady.”
A smile appears on his face, he closes his eyes and takes a whip of the scent that’s coming from the oven, “Oh, I can smell the pies already, they smell fantastic! Wish you people at home had smell-o-vision so you could smell this!”
He walks back to the barbecue and removes the ribs, “All done, don’t they look fantastic!”
“DON’T THEY!?” he yells at the camera man, who nods his camera up and down.
“Good.”, He said with a calm voice.
In the kitchen he prepares the rest of the meal, first he places the ribs on a plate and next to it a brain pie, “Now to quickly make an easy salad, we will need some lettuce, some chopped up red onions, some chopped tomatoes, add some vinegar and toss it all around. On top we add possibly just for decoration or if you like to also for eating we place the two eye balls.”
He takes the plate and bowl of salad over to the table where Nancy is sitting.
“This is going to taste fantastic, your so lucky Nancy.”, He tells her while he removes her gag.
She gaps for some fresh air, “Oh my God, please don’t kill me.”
The chef takes of his apron which reveal a vest with packs of explosives and wires going from pack to pack.
“Now taste it.”
The viewers at home that were still watching this wondered why nobody was stopping them, but who could, the entire crew was tied up.
He forced her head down to the plate and she took some bites of the meat from the ribs.
“It requires a fine taste.”, The chef said right before the swat team barged into the studio and shot him in the head.
“This marinade is amazing.”, Nancy said.
She tried some of the brain pie and custard too.
“nom nom nom.”
