“So how did you get the dog to stop peeing everywhere?”, Kevin asked.
Kevin became Julian’s friend when they worked together at a telemarketing office.
They became more than colleagues when on a stressful evening of bothering hard working people that were finding their rest at night to ask them if they wanted life insurance they had enough of it all.
Ok not all of it, just the useless contribution they were making to the whole.
If you found that confusing, so did all the people they explained it too after they heard what happened.
Their chef stepped into the office they shared with twenty other marketeers and began to yell and scream that they sucked and how pathetic they were for not even being able to do an easy job as calling people on the phone.
And out of the twenty-two people in the room Kevin and Julian got up from their chair and wrapped him with the wires from the telephones and hanged him upside down from the office building roof.
The chef survived and Kevin and Julian made a deal and were fired and had to go see a psychiatrist.
They hadn’t seen each other in over a year because Julian’s girlfriend cheated on him with Kevin.
It didn’t come to a shock to Julian because after all that’s how she got to be his girlfriend too, she cheated with him on her ex-boyfriend.
Kevin seemed more gloomy then usual, Julian first thought it must have seemed that way because after working as a telemarketer Kevin took over the taxidermy business his father build, and it was kinda dark inside his ’shop’ and Kevin was wearing a black suit for some reason.
“You don’t want to know, you’ll think I’m gross.
But he did stop peeing everywhere.”, Julian said.
“What do you mean?”, Kevin asked with a frown on his face.
Julian scratched the back of his head and explained, “I wanted revenge for all the times he had pissed all over my stuff so when he was lying in his favorite spot dreaming of running through a grass field chasing a rabbit or a bunny kicking his feet and with a content look on his face, I pissed all over him and his favorite corner.”
Julian disappeared out of Kevin’s sight before Kevin could respond, he went down to the duffel bag he brought with him that was on the ground, when he got back up he placed the dead body of a young golden retriever on the counter.
“Actually he stopped doing a lot of things.”, Julian added.
Kevin got tears in his eyes that Julian didn’t notice, “I guess he felt so violated he off-ed himself.”
“Scoobie! You killed him! You killed my dog!” Kevin yelled as he cuddled the dead dog.
“Hold up, your dog? You gave him to me remember.”, Julian said while staring back at a deer head on the wall.
After shedding some tears and sobbing Kevin calmed down.
“And thats why you came here?” Kevin asked while he cleaned his face with a tissue.
“Yes. But also since it’s been a while, you know a two birds one stone kind of thing.”, Julian said after he saw the crow and parrot hanging from the ceiling.
“So what would you like me to do with it.”
“Me? He was your dog, it’s best if you decide but since you know how to stuff animals.”
“I’m still learning.”, Kevin said.
Julian tossed the duffle bag over the counter, “Then practice on Scoobie.”
“You want to look around?” Kevin asked while he stepped into the shop.
“Yeah sure, let’s find some inspiration.”, Julian said.
They walked around the shop passing any possible animal you could think off.
Kevin was standing at the other end of the shop, Julian noticed two tap dancing raccoons and saw enough and walked over to Kevin who was looking at a chicken in the middle of laying an egg.
“She died.”, Kevin suddenly said.
“Yeah I can see that..”, Julian replied thinking he meant the chicken.
“No idiot, I mean Luba.”, Kevin explained.
Julian asked a lot of questions, “What? Luba? How? Why?”
“Some crazy girl killed her with a Rubik’s cube.”, Kevin said.
“A Rubik’s cube? How?” Julian asked.
Kevin felt aggravated by Julian taking the loss of his girlfriend so lightly, “Is that really important right now? She got murdered!”
“Well it takes a lot of strength to kill someone with a …, I mean just so I can form a picture in my head of what happened, right now this ‘girl’ is a giant with one eye.”
And right when behind him a customer opened the door to enter the shop he started yelling at Julian, “One eye? Just drop it, she died ok!?”
Kevin heard the door slam shut behind him, he turned around and saw a man walking by his shop.
“Sorry, I feel bad too, whatever.”, Julian said.
Kevin turned back towards Julian and said, “Gee, thanks for the support.”, And started walking back to the counter.
Julian followed him, “So thats why your dressed like that?” He asked.
Kevin started at the watch on his wrist and said, “I have to go to her funeral at five.”
“You want to come along? Pay your respects, she might have been a slut but you were with her for over a year.”, He added.
“Yeah, I’ll come along.”, Julian said.
The rest of the afternoon Julian watched Kevin work on Scoobie.
“Just in time.”, Julian said staring at the clock on the wall.
Kevin was done, “4:45, we have to hurry.” He said.
Scoobie was lying in a eternal sleeping pose, “Amazing, just how I remember him.”, Julian said.
Kevin locked the door of his business and they drove to the funeral ground.
“Your better at this than I expected.”, Julian said while he looked at Scoobie lying on the backseat.
“Thanks, but my father thinks differently, he wants to give the business to my younger brother.”, Kevin explained.
“Your brother? But he lost both his hands in that workshop accident when we were in high school!” Julian said somewhat loud.
“I know, he thinks he could do a better job than me.”, Kevin said.
Kevin parked his car on the parking lot next to the cemetery and they got out and started walking towards the funeral.
They took their place at the side of the crowd that was already standing around her casket.
“We are gathered here today to bury Luba Kaber, who was taken from us by a crazy hungarian girl named Olga.”, The pastor said.
“Quite modern isn’t this.”, Julian said to Kevin.
“Guess that’s what she wanted.”, Kevin replied while two tears glided down his face.
The pastor was standing in front of a freshly dug hole with Luba’s casket hanging above it.
He continued his speech, “On friday at 12:38, an angel came down from heaven and took her soul up to the heavens.”
“Crazy! That’s the same time Scoobie died!” Julian yelled which drew all the attention onto him.
“Sorry everyone, he’s not sane.”, Kevin said.
It seemed to work because the pastor finished his speech and each of the family members said their goodbye as the coffin was lowered into the grave.
“Wait here!” Julian yelled as he ran back to the car.
Kevin was left there standing alone at the open grave, “Wha..?”
The tractor next to him started roaring, it was lifting it’s front-end that was filled with dirt above the grave.
“Quickly!” Julian yelled as he tossed the duffle bag into Kevin’s chest, kevin reflexes still good and he managed to catch it.
Julian was panting, “Bury her with Scoobie.”
“No way.”, Kevin replied while he held onto the bag with a strong grip.
Julian explained, “The deal was, my girlfriend for your dog, remember, she was allergic to dogs so you had to choose.”
Kevin didn’t know what to say, but he saw the tractor driver throw away his cigarette and slowly driving forward.
“I can’t just toss it in there!?” Kevin yelled over the roaring of the tractor.
Julian was finally done panting and said, “You climb in the hole, place Scoobie on top and I’ll pull you back up in time.”
Kevin jumped into the grave and opened the coffin, he saw her looking back at him and so did Julian.
“Slut. I mean with all due respect.”, Julian said from above.
Kevin looked back up at Julian, “Come on man, that’s just horrible.”
The it was getting dark in the hole because the front-end was starting to block the light going into the hole.
“We bought him together!” Kevin yelled as he placed Scoobie on top of Luba’s chest.
He closed the coffin and turned to Julian.
“What? We fell in love while she was still with you. And when she left you she moved in with me, and we bought the dog. I knew she would eventually leave me for a Miguel or a Duane. She loved that dog even more than she loved me, or you. So I gave you the dog without her knowing and told her he had run away. You know so she would know how it felt to be cheated on if you know what I mean.”, Kevin explained.
Kevin explanation took too long and some of the dirt started to fall into the hole.
“Hurry!” Julian yelled at him with his arm stretched out.
Kevin grabbed his arm and pulled himself out of the grave just in time, he did lose one of his shoes.
They walked back to the car, Kevin limping on one leg.
“Fuck!” Julian yelled starling Kevin.
“What?” Kevin asked.
Julian was hitting himself on the side of the head, “Forgot to ask if that Olga only had one eye.”
Kevin became Julian’s friend when they worked together at a telemarketing office.
They became more than colleagues when on a stressful evening of bothering hard working people that were finding their rest at night to ask them if they wanted life insurance they had enough of it all.
Ok not all of it, just the useless contribution they were making to the whole.
If you found that confusing, so did all the people they explained it too after they heard what happened.
Their chef stepped into the office they shared with twenty other marketeers and began to yell and scream that they sucked and how pathetic they were for not even being able to do an easy job as calling people on the phone.
And out of the twenty-two people in the room Kevin and Julian got up from their chair and wrapped him with the wires from the telephones and hanged him upside down from the office building roof.
The chef survived and Kevin and Julian made a deal and were fired and had to go see a psychiatrist.
They hadn’t seen each other in over a year because Julian’s girlfriend cheated on him with Kevin.
It didn’t come to a shock to Julian because after all that’s how she got to be his girlfriend too, she cheated with him on her ex-boyfriend.
Kevin seemed more gloomy then usual, Julian first thought it must have seemed that way because after working as a telemarketer Kevin took over the taxidermy business his father build, and it was kinda dark inside his ’shop’ and Kevin was wearing a black suit for some reason.
“You don’t want to know, you’ll think I’m gross.
But he did stop peeing everywhere.”, Julian said.
“What do you mean?”, Kevin asked with a frown on his face.
Julian scratched the back of his head and explained, “I wanted revenge for all the times he had pissed all over my stuff so when he was lying in his favorite spot dreaming of running through a grass field chasing a rabbit or a bunny kicking his feet and with a content look on his face, I pissed all over him and his favorite corner.”
Julian disappeared out of Kevin’s sight before Kevin could respond, he went down to the duffel bag he brought with him that was on the ground, when he got back up he placed the dead body of a young golden retriever on the counter.
“Actually he stopped doing a lot of things.”, Julian added.
Kevin got tears in his eyes that Julian didn’t notice, “I guess he felt so violated he off-ed himself.”
“Scoobie! You killed him! You killed my dog!” Kevin yelled as he cuddled the dead dog.
“Hold up, your dog? You gave him to me remember.”, Julian said while staring back at a deer head on the wall.
After shedding some tears and sobbing Kevin calmed down.
“And thats why you came here?” Kevin asked while he cleaned his face with a tissue.
“Yes. But also since it’s been a while, you know a two birds one stone kind of thing.”, Julian said after he saw the crow and parrot hanging from the ceiling.
“So what would you like me to do with it.”
“Me? He was your dog, it’s best if you decide but since you know how to stuff animals.”
“I’m still learning.”, Kevin said.
Julian tossed the duffle bag over the counter, “Then practice on Scoobie.”
“You want to look around?” Kevin asked while he stepped into the shop.
“Yeah sure, let’s find some inspiration.”, Julian said.
They walked around the shop passing any possible animal you could think off.
Kevin was standing at the other end of the shop, Julian noticed two tap dancing raccoons and saw enough and walked over to Kevin who was looking at a chicken in the middle of laying an egg.
“She died.”, Kevin suddenly said.
“Yeah I can see that..”, Julian replied thinking he meant the chicken.
“No idiot, I mean Luba.”, Kevin explained.
Julian asked a lot of questions, “What? Luba? How? Why?”
“Some crazy girl killed her with a Rubik’s cube.”, Kevin said.
“A Rubik’s cube? How?” Julian asked.
Kevin felt aggravated by Julian taking the loss of his girlfriend so lightly, “Is that really important right now? She got murdered!”
“Well it takes a lot of strength to kill someone with a …, I mean just so I can form a picture in my head of what happened, right now this ‘girl’ is a giant with one eye.”
And right when behind him a customer opened the door to enter the shop he started yelling at Julian, “One eye? Just drop it, she died ok!?”
Kevin heard the door slam shut behind him, he turned around and saw a man walking by his shop.
“Sorry, I feel bad too, whatever.”, Julian said.
Kevin turned back towards Julian and said, “Gee, thanks for the support.”, And started walking back to the counter.
Julian followed him, “So thats why your dressed like that?” He asked.
Kevin started at the watch on his wrist and said, “I have to go to her funeral at five.”
“You want to come along? Pay your respects, she might have been a slut but you were with her for over a year.”, He added.
“Yeah, I’ll come along.”, Julian said.
The rest of the afternoon Julian watched Kevin work on Scoobie.
“Just in time.”, Julian said staring at the clock on the wall.
Kevin was done, “4:45, we have to hurry.” He said.
Scoobie was lying in a eternal sleeping pose, “Amazing, just how I remember him.”, Julian said.
Kevin locked the door of his business and they drove to the funeral ground.
“Your better at this than I expected.”, Julian said while he looked at Scoobie lying on the backseat.
“Thanks, but my father thinks differently, he wants to give the business to my younger brother.”, Kevin explained.
“Your brother? But he lost both his hands in that workshop accident when we were in high school!” Julian said somewhat loud.
“I know, he thinks he could do a better job than me.”, Kevin said.
Kevin parked his car on the parking lot next to the cemetery and they got out and started walking towards the funeral.
They took their place at the side of the crowd that was already standing around her casket.
“We are gathered here today to bury Luba Kaber, who was taken from us by a crazy hungarian girl named Olga.”, The pastor said.
“Quite modern isn’t this.”, Julian said to Kevin.
“Guess that’s what she wanted.”, Kevin replied while two tears glided down his face.
The pastor was standing in front of a freshly dug hole with Luba’s casket hanging above it.
He continued his speech, “On friday at 12:38, an angel came down from heaven and took her soul up to the heavens.”
“Crazy! That’s the same time Scoobie died!” Julian yelled which drew all the attention onto him.
“Sorry everyone, he’s not sane.”, Kevin said.
It seemed to work because the pastor finished his speech and each of the family members said their goodbye as the coffin was lowered into the grave.
“Wait here!” Julian yelled as he ran back to the car.
Kevin was left there standing alone at the open grave, “Wha..?”
The tractor next to him started roaring, it was lifting it’s front-end that was filled with dirt above the grave.
“Quickly!” Julian yelled as he tossed the duffle bag into Kevin’s chest, kevin reflexes still good and he managed to catch it.
Julian was panting, “Bury her with Scoobie.”
“No way.”, Kevin replied while he held onto the bag with a strong grip.
Julian explained, “The deal was, my girlfriend for your dog, remember, she was allergic to dogs so you had to choose.”
Kevin didn’t know what to say, but he saw the tractor driver throw away his cigarette and slowly driving forward.
“I can’t just toss it in there!?” Kevin yelled over the roaring of the tractor.
Julian was finally done panting and said, “You climb in the hole, place Scoobie on top and I’ll pull you back up in time.”
Kevin jumped into the grave and opened the coffin, he saw her looking back at him and so did Julian.
“Slut. I mean with all due respect.”, Julian said from above.
Kevin looked back up at Julian, “Come on man, that’s just horrible.”
The it was getting dark in the hole because the front-end was starting to block the light going into the hole.
“We bought him together!” Kevin yelled as he placed Scoobie on top of Luba’s chest.
He closed the coffin and turned to Julian.
“What? We fell in love while she was still with you. And when she left you she moved in with me, and we bought the dog. I knew she would eventually leave me for a Miguel or a Duane. She loved that dog even more than she loved me, or you. So I gave you the dog without her knowing and told her he had run away. You know so she would know how it felt to be cheated on if you know what I mean.”, Kevin explained.
Kevin explanation took too long and some of the dirt started to fall into the hole.
“Hurry!” Julian yelled at him with his arm stretched out.
Kevin grabbed his arm and pulled himself out of the grave just in time, he did lose one of his shoes.
They walked back to the car, Kevin limping on one leg.
“Fuck!” Julian yelled starling Kevin.
“What?” Kevin asked.
Julian was hitting himself on the side of the head, “Forgot to ask if that Olga only had one eye.”
