Little Doris Knittel knew that tonight was going to be special.
She had been practicing for this night for months, because for little Doris Knittel most things were harder to do then for other kids her age.

“I feel it in my bones.”, said the boy that was throwing rocks in a glass house, and was now grounded so had to stay home.

“Sticks and stones might break my bones.”, Said her grandmother as she sat down on one of the chairs in the school’s recital hall.

“Break a leg!” Her teacher yelled right before she pushed little Doris Knittel onto the stage dressed as a dandelion.

She was one of the many girls dressed up as dandelions on stage waiting to be watered. When the little farmer boy came over to her with his watering pot and tickled her neck with the long blue colored strings that supposed to be water, she popped up smiling and spreading her leaves, waved at her father recording the school play.
When the dance started there was another thing that popped, but not up but out, both her knees popped out of their sockets and she tumbled down onto the stage, her paper pedals flew off into the crowd.
Oh, little Doris Knittel.

They became friends when their cars collided at about 5 mph while they were both trying to park their car in the same lot that turned out to be too small for either of their cars.
“Why don’t we ever do something else?” She asked right after she crashed her virtual car into a wall.
They have been spending the whole afternoon playing race games and they were at a tie.
He drives right by her and makes his way to the finish line, “We are doing something and you wanted a rematch.”
“I mean outside!” She yelled as she was gaining up on him.
“Like a date?” He joked.
She used the nitro she had been saving the entire race, “No, you said we were just friends. So just go some place. Do something together.”
They were now going head to head towards the finish line.
“Like what?” He asked.
She didn’t take her eyes of the flatscreen TV on the wall, “Can’t you come up with something.”
He pauses the game right before the finish line which made her instantly furious and while she set her teeth into the controller he said, “The beach.”
She released the controller from her tight grip and turned to him, “No! It’s always so crowded there!”
“Not that part of the beach. I know this guy that has a house at the beach, and a private piece behind it. He told me that if I ever wanted to, I could bring girls there, the only thing he wants in return is to let him hide in the closet and peek through the blinds and watch.”, He explained.
Her jaw dropped to it’s lowest position, “Thats crazy, no way!”
“Wait, we wont have to go into the house, but just stay on his part of the beach, he can hide in the closet all he wants, while we are out in the sun. Getting a tan.”, He explained and walked over to the TV and turned it off.
She was okay with their afternoon ending in a tie so she did not complain and it sounded like a good plan so she accepted.
And exactly one day later they were standing at the beach house with sand between the bottom of their feet and the slippers they were wearing.
“Nice!” She exclaimed.
He used the key he got and unlocked the front door and walked in, “It sure is, let’s get to that backyard. No that cant be right, backbeach?”
She followed him to the kitchen that had a door that opened to the beach behind the house.
They watched the door slide open and in stepped a skinny guy wearing nothing but a sombrero and a thong, “Right on time, let me just get dressed and you guys will have the beach for yourselves.”, He said followed by a somewhat creepy wink.
He dashed up the stairs and they kept staring at the waves crashing onto the beach in fear of catch a glimpse of his behind.
They heard the bathroom door close, they both released a sigh of relief and stepped outside.
“Wha, its gorgeous!” She screamed while running through the small heaps of sand.
Shortly after they were lying on their beach towels soaking up sun light.
A shadow overcasts them, “Listen crazy idea, but how about I hang out for a while with your guys?”
He wasn’t sure what to tell his so called friend he referred to ‘the guy with the beach house’.
“Uhm, well its your beach so..”, He said to the guy with the beach house.
The skinny guy wiggled his way in between them, “Just enough room for the three of us.”
“Did you guys know the ocean stole it’s color from the sky and it used to be the brightest pink you’d ever see?” He asked them.
And at the exact same time both of them got up and said, “We should be going.”
Then the ground began to shake and the three of them had no idea what was happening.
“Is it an earthquake?” He yelled.
The skinny guy ran inside yelling, “Tsunami!”
“Look!” She yelled as she pointed towards the sea.
All the water in the ocean was going to one side as if the world had fallen onto his side.
The clouds and seagulls were falling to the side and everything else followed, the sand beneath their feet was slipping away and the skinny guy was holding onto the railing of his porch.
They ran over to him and wanted to get inside but before they could the angle of the ground was too steep and right when they got up onto the porch they fell down but managed to grab a hold of the skinny’s guy pink thong, looking down they saw the entire world as a huge pile of junk on a scrapheap.
When they were all about to lose their grips, the shaking stopped and everything dropped to the right angle again, everything looked messed up but at least they weren’t going to drop to their deaths anymore.
“I told you too stop shaking that!” Tommy’s mother yelled to her little boy she once referred to as her little angel.
She walked towards him and grabbed the snow globe variant coined ‘sand globe’ from his hands and placed it back with all the others on the small stall.
“Their hand crafted!” The crafty crafter yelled to the mother that was walking away dragging her kid behind her like a shopping bag.

Roland didn’t care if anyone was listening to his talking but if they were, that would be okay.
“I used to have this roll of plastic tape, I mean it was really great and I only used it for only the most special stuff that needed taping. But when I got to about half of the roll, it just wouldn’t stop splitting in two when I was trying to roll a new piece of. And while I kept on trying to get a good piece of tape I started thinking about how this could have happened. This is my favorite brand of tape and it’s made somewhere by hand in a remote village in Scandinavia inhabited by people with white hair and lots of ducks walking around.“
Nobody was listening but Roland did not know that.
“They use small brushes and a special glue that only sticks to the long strokes of plastic, to make it sticky and then wrap it around a cardboard ring. There must have been a person that works at the part of the factory where they wrap the strokes of tape around the rings, and among them was one person that for some reason decided to make a cut in the center of the stroke of tape when he or she was half way done wrapping it.”
While there were phones ringing around him, emails being send and received, Roland’s phone was unplugged months ago because the sound of a phone ringing didn’t bother him enough to pick one up. Or maybe the pitch was too high for him to hear.
“Maybe problems at home, or in marriage, or a death in the family. Who knows? Maybe I should give them a call. But I don’t speak Scandinavian at all.”
He had just rolled the last piece of tape from the roll and failed to get a single piece that wasn’t cut in half from it. His hand was stuck in a big ball of tape, but that wasn’t a problem either, he didn’t know how to use a computer anyway.
His father was the head of the firm, and being his son had it’s advantages.

“Is it me or is this paperclip bend the wrong way?”
His sad looking Aglaonemea did not reply.

“Gerald you sure are awfully quite today.”, He said while shaking it a bit.

They were standing in the backyard, it was a clear day outside even though the sun was hiding behind the clouds.
“I sure hope nobody close to us dies while our kids are too young to understand death, I wouldn’t be able to lie to them about Heaven.”, He said, followed by a deep breath in.
“Why? Don’t you believe that there’s more than just this earthly life?” His wife asked while busy painting her toe nails.
“Clearly not, it’s dumb, ridiculous even and not to mention unimaginative. Accepting that we go to heaven, takes away all that was ever important about a person. We don’t stop and look at who they were because we believe to see them again anyway, so all they did while they were alive becomes unimportant. If they sat on their fat asses all their life or were a workaholic or a master painter, it doesn’t matter, it’s all the same in the afterlife.”
He left no room for her to reply to what he was saying so continued his monologue, “And don’t get me started about this so called paradise thats waiting for us, eternal life with family and friends. Eternal!? Who could possibly want that.”
He yelled all of that into a big red balloon until not even a single word could fit in with all the others, he tied a string around it and watched it go up into the air.
There was something special about that moment, the smell of varnish, the bright blue sky, birds coughing in the distance all had something divine about them at the very moment, something greatly meaningful had just happened.
“Have you calmed down now?” She asked while wiggling her toes to help them dry faster.
He walked over to her, “Yes, I feel a lot better.”
“Now go tell you son his hamster got stuck inside the toaster and got roasted alive. And while your at it tell your daughter her goldfish suffered from depression and killed itself.”, She ordered him.
He feared her evil look so did as he was told.
“Yes, dear.” He mumbled.

Enrique kept his head down and tried not to be spotted while he was talking to his general commander through the radio, “Sir, we are surrounded..”
The radio kept jamming and screaming out static noise, he turned some dials until the line was clear again and tried again, “..surrounded by skanks.”
“Their everywhere, and are about to flank us.”, He yelled into the mouthpiece.
Through a lot of noise he heard the general ask, “What was that last bit?”
“Flank us.”, He said.
There was a moment of radio silence until his general asked, “Who?”
“Skanks!” He yelled back.
There was just too much noise, “You got to speak up son..”, The general said.
Things were getting dangerous around him, the ground below him was shaking, “Sir, Yes sir.”
Then he received some bad news, “Son, theres nothing we can do for you right now.”
“What am I suppose to do?” He asked with the sound of desperation in his voice.
“Get up.. Get up and dance!” The general screamed.
He felt confused and asked, “Sir, could you repeat that, I’m not sure if I heard that correctly.”
The frequencies kept changing but it held in a clear moment, “Get up and DANCE!”
And as the good soldier he was he got up and looked around, he was in a circle of skanks.
They all started at him with their lustful eyes and streams of bodily fluids running down their.. “Are you all ready!” He yelled right when he pulled off all his clothes and started to dance around like a cat on speed.
After a night of dancing in the strip club in front of drunk woman, a lot of things stained with spray on tan and champagne, but at least he lived to fight another day.

He jumped up and down, left to right, screaming and waving his arms like an air puppet in front of a car wash.
The mail man was walking to the front door holding a long cylinder shaped package.
“My poster is here!” Their son yelled and ran straight to the door.
His dad was in the middle of eating his breakfast and had a mouth full of cereal, “His what now?”
Soggy pieces of corn flew onto the other side of the table.
“His Steven Seagal poster. I’m just glad its not a Freddie Mercury one.”, He said.
She looked at him with an evil look on her face that would make Hitler’s knees feel weak, he tried to continue the conversation, “Like that one where he uses that microphone stand as an extension of his penis or something?”
“Did you that one as a kid, you always seemed kinda fruity.” She said catching a drop of milk that tried to escape her lips with her spoon.
He pushed himself up with both hands on the table, raised his head and started his speech, “Hey hey! Are you suggesting I’m a poof? When Queen was big, homosexuality was still wearing diapers. We didn’t even know what gay meant other than lighthearted and carefree.”
She was eyeballing him the whole time, slowly chewing her breakfast, she took her time swallowing her last bite before speaking, “In its diapers? Really? I once saw a documentary on homosexuality during the Roman times.”
He knew he had been beat so casually asked, “Was it gory?”
“What do you mean gory?” She asked and got up from her chair.
“You know.. Lots of dicks..”, He said while he was cleaning out the dishwasher.
She sat down on the couch ready to open up her fresh gossip magazine.
“And you know who’s the biggest dick of them all, Steven Seagal! On second thought, it would have been better for him to idolize Freddy Mercury.” She yelled into the kitchen.
And right at that very moment their son walked back into the room holding the poster as high as he could, unfolding it in front of him.
It looked like Steven Seagal just walked into the room and had his legs chopped off by some italian mobster ninjas.
“Speak of the devil.”, His father joked.
The boy pretended he didn’t hear his parents joke about his idol, he shuffled his way back to his room, to finish his Seagal disguise and practice his martial arts, for one day he would fight for his idol’s honor.
And whoever this Freddy Mercury was, was now on top of his list.

She sat on top of him like a lioness on its prey, “Do you like that, hm.”
It was hard to answer her being gagged and all, but they agreed blinking twice meant yes.
She was pouring hot wax over his nipples and moving her way down his body.
He was unable to stop blinking like crazy, this was probably a response of hot wax on his testicles, which he wasn’t expecting at all.
And he couldn’t move because of the cuffs or talk because of the red ball in his mouth but they agreed that instead of a safe-word, blinking 25636 times, she knew she had to stop with what she’s doing.
Too bad she sucked at mathematics.
So after 3rd degree burns on his nipples and crotch she continued to the grand finale.
“I got a surprise for you big boy.”, She said as she climbed of the bed.
She put on her sleeping gown.
He followed her to a big X-cross at the foot of the bed, she chained him up and walked out of the bedroom.
After a while he was beginning to feel nervous and fear what was coming.
Then there was a loud bang followed by rubble, wood and glass flying past him followed by the sight of a gigantic black steel ball coming towards him.
It destroyed the walls and floor up until his feet, and he saw that it was attached to a chain which was attached to a crane.
And it turns out she did have good mathematical skills, the wrecking ball’s trajectory was exactly calculated to hit his testicles with full force but not crush his body.
After a good crushing it moved back and he saw his eighteen year old mistress standing in the front yard smiling and waving at him.
She blew him a kiss.
He cried.